Be Your Fucking Yourself

Do I know what I want in life? Why do I do the things I do?

I don’t think many of my classmates from high school would really recognise me. There would be responses of “you’ve done that?” or “you did that?”. On the other hand, there are a few who would be able to remember hints of that in the me they knew way back then.

The truth is I’ve changed. And changed a lot in the last decade. I don’t need to describe the highlights. But along the way I’ve become a lot more open to asking myself questions about me and how I work and how that meshes with the world around me.

One of those big improvements is that I am a shit-load more comfortable being whatever the hell I really am. I am less concerned about how people expect me to act in a lot of ways. I am definitely still an introvert – in fact, I am solidly comfortable with that fact. Because I know what it means. I know not only when I’ve had enough of a party, but why. I’ve also found a group of friends who I care what they think about me because they accept me just as I am. And vice-versa. It is a hugely refreshing change from trying to care what someone thinks because they don’t accept you just as you come.

I still wear masks, though. We all do. It is human nature. This is as much a way of protecting ourselves as portraying ourselves. But some masks are more “realistic” than others, so to speak.

In short, I am being myself. No ifs, buts or maybes. Mostly.

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