Were it so easy.
I have acquired a new appreciation of ritual in the past two weeks. That is mostly figuring out how to have my craft tools blessed, but also understanding what I need to do to cast a circle. When you’re in the middle of a major shift in belief, this is difficult. And then there was (as usual), Communion at church this morning.
That’s a ritual. I’ve blogged about this before. I’ve wondered for years how many people “go through the motions” without it truly meaning anything. Christ died for my sins? And I should be meditating on that during the quietest part of the ritual? How, precisely? Church-goers are not taught how to do that. Wiccans and Pagans have the advantage of knowing that personal rituals are, by definition, extremely personal and know how to teach people that the point is to come up with your own. They also know how to teach people how to start figuring it out. Christians are uncomfortable with both of those, for some reason.
This morning, it was the first time in a very long time that I was looking at my Christianity in a moment of “why”. I’d wondered years before how people could walk away; don’t they understand what the spurningt of eternal salvation really means? Maybe such people truly don’t understand, maybe they do. But in either case, there has been a “I don’t believe it” moment before the decision to walk away.
That’s what I’m looking at. Do I believe and if so, what do I believe?