But apparently, I seem to be learning how to be one.
The problem is that I am not a member or regular attendee of an church anymore. I was raised going to church. With few exceptions, this is what you do on a Sunday morning and/or evening. And for a lot of my life, I did indeed attend both services.
It does take rather a large chunk out of the weekend, though. When I started attending a Pagan full-moon circle (which is Friday evenings) I soon realized that for the purposes of being spiritually social, I had to treat that like I treated going to a church service. That helped me take my Sunday back for me.
There’s a side-effect of attending church less, though: people eventually notice. For people I’ve been going to church with for years, I am – or was – a fixture. There week-in, week-out. Now I’m not. And most of those, including my parents, assume that if I’m going there less, I’m going to another church instead. The concept of doing just the first is a bit counter-evangelistic.
I’ve not said to many people that I’m going to a pagan full-moon circle. To a few people (most notably my mother) I’ve referred to it as a “church” without giving enough specifics. I’m basically being deceitful. And that’s hard, because I’m not good at it. I am not naturally the sort of person who will do that.
But I have to in this instance because I have to protect myself and to some small extent them, too. My spiritual journey has gone off into some weird directions as far as they would consider, and I already know that if they aren’t on the same journey then they’re not going to understand it. Or worse: they’ll mis-hear it.