So… today my sister discovered I’ve been attending a pagan full moon circle. This is, well, pretty non-Christian. Regular readers of this blog will already know this, but this was news to my sister.
And her first reaction was to ask how that fits with the core Christian beliefs of one God, one Saviour.
I did my best to avoid the question without seeming to avoid it. She knew I’d been looking for another church. Today she gained a better idea of where I’ve been looking. At least she was receptive to hearing my story.
She and I both have had a delayed maturing into adulthood largely because neither of our parents knew how to take us through that last step from adolescence. Part of this is because whilst Mum is a child of a broken marriage, she and Dad have never to our knowledge fought. However, it is only when a person has a close relationship disintegrate is it possible to learn certain things about ourselves. Mum and Dad have not gone through that with each other and so my sister and I had to find out how take that last step ourselves. In a large way without really knowing we had to.
Part of my journey led me way from my sheltered upbringing and that includes what I believe.
What I now believe is that there is so much more to the spiritual realm than the Christian church wants to admit or even know about. Do I believe Yahweh exists? Yes. Do I believe he is the only god? No longer. I have learnt that different gods think and behave differently. This is a skill almost lost to most people. So much of western secular culture is conditioned to think the choice is one god or no god. The idea of many gods, all with different personalities is really alien to many.
What about that Jesus is my personal saviour? That’s harder. My first honest response to this question is “saviour from what?” which is quite a non-Christian response. I couldn’t say that to my sister – but I didn’t think of that response until much much later. You see, when I stepped out from the Christian Guilt (this is the corporate shaming of what you are and are not supposed to do as a “christian”) I also left behind the idea of being a sinner.
Of course, the real risk in alerting my family to where I’m headed is that of it fundamentally changing my relationships. Whilst the loss of my Christianity is likely to worry or scare my sister, it is more likely to upset my mother.